My friend and I have been laughing at our stupid behavior when visiting with different doctors and the stupid behavior of doctor’s offices and insurance companies and we are wondering if there are others who have stories to tell.

If you have an interesting story, please email it to me…grandberry at gmail dot com.

So, I went to the dermatologist to have a full body skin exam. There are a few things I’m concerned about that could be melanomas. There I am totally naked in the doctor’s office (except that silly little paper thing they give you) and he is doing the exam.

Me: I have had this bump on my arm that won’t go away and it has changed colors. I've had it for four months.
Doctor: That’s normal, probably a bug bite
WHAT I DON’T SAY BUT WANT TO: Are you crazy, a bug bit that lasts four months? That can’t be normal.

Me: I have these bumps on my scalp and my hair dresser tells me they look like moles (I find one and tell him where to look, he doesn’t touch it or part my hair to get a better look or anything. And my hair is clean--very clean and shiny)
Doctor: Yup, they are moles, that’s normal
WHAT I DON’T SAY BUT WANT TO: What do you mean they are normal, I have done the research and Google tells me that moles on the scalp can be precursors to melanoma. You need to look closely and be sure none of them are putting my life in danger.

I point out a few more things and then, he proceeds to check me out front and back, as I stand in the room wearing nothing but a smile and that silly paper thing they give you, and then...

Doctor: You have good skin, nothing unusual.
WHAT I DON’T SAY BUT WANT TO: The bumps and things I pointed out may all be normal, but not very sexy.
Me: Okay, thanks doctor
Doctor: I’ll see you in six months
Me: (total silence)

The doctor doesn’t even notice my silence and rushes off to earn his next $500 for a 10 minute exam.

Then I am sitting in my car—fuming—and I remember the wart on my stomach. I have a wart on my stomach the size of a tic tac, and he didn’t even notice that? I was going to have him freeze that right off, but he got me so frustrated that I didn’t even mention it and now, here I am with a very unsexy wart on my stomach…did I mention it is the size of a tic tac…and I am going to have to do the freeze job myself.

So, to recap, bump on my arm—no diagnosis (doctor visit of no value), moles on my scalp, diagnosed by my hair dresser (doctor visit of no value), wart on my stomach, unnoticed by doctor (doctor visit of no value).

And insurance paid for that…

For your information, the American Medical Association says that if you have moles on your scalp you should have pictures taken of them so you can compare and see if they change color or shape.

So, if you have a doctor story, I need it. I am collecting doctor stories. Not sure what I am going to do with them. In case I decide to publish them please include permission to use the story and if you want your name included with the story or not. Again, send them to grandberry at gmail dot com.

I don’t want the name of the doctor or insurance company, but if you have a doctor story or doctor experience or an insurance story of some kind. I am interested. Positive and negative stories are accepted.

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Sharpies and duct tape work on warts. We do it with Manda's fingers at night. If it's on your stomach, though, you could leave the tape on all the time. Once you use a sharpie on a wart, though, you're not supposed to use it on anything else, it has the virus in it.