A date with Tarzan

It's Friday. We both had interesting days. Tarzan called me and asked if he could take me out to dinner. I, of course, said "yes."

We got in the car and started out. He asked, "Where would you like to go?"

Once again, I was sucked into answering that dreaded question. "Rubio's" I said.

"Oh, I was thinking Applebees."

"Okay. That's fine with me. Let's go to Applebees."

We headed west to the Applebees on 51st Avenue. There were people everywhere waiting in line. Tarzan said, "I'm not in the mood to wait in a line like that. Let's go somewhere else." He began to drive again and stared down the road to our house.

I asked, "where are we going?" Thinking he had decided to just go home.

"The Casino. I feel like a good steak." We headed south on 51st Avenue.

At the Casino, the smell of cigarette smoke was overpowering. They no longer had a "restaurant." They only had a deli. What? You can always get good food in a casino. Well, apparently things have changed. We coughed our way out to the car and I, stupidly, made a second suggestions.

"There is a new Bistro on 16th Street and Baseline. They were featured in the South Mountain magazine."

"Okay, Let's try that." This should be fun, Tarzan and I love to try new things. We headed east to 16th Street.

We pull up into the parking lot and I notice it was an Italian Restaurant--no steaks there. I mentioned that to Tarzan, but it was too late, the saga had begun. Tarzan was complaining about the parking. He thought it was not well lit. The parking lot had about 30 spaces and we were in the parking lot a full 15 minutes trying to get the best spot (there were only 2 empty spots). We finally parked and I got out of the car, with my neck muscles pulled tight, like that girl in As Good As It Gets, I think her name is Helen Hunt. As I stepped to the back of the car, two cars pulled out, right up by the front door. I suggested Tarzan move the car and he jumped at the chance.

We went into the restaurant and Tarzan started to sulk. We had to wait about five minutes and he said he would wait outside. I should have known right them that we should turn around and walk out. We were in the restaurant about 1 hour while I heard about the fact that he was not in the mood for italian food, the music was too loud, they didn't have booths, we had to sit at a table, the woman at the table next to us had an ugly nose and he couldn't stop looking at it, the family that came in with a child who was metally challenged and how miserable that must be to have to take him on every date. I thought they were probably having as much fun as I was. He even commented on the fact that it was obvious this place had not been built to be a resaturant. Whatever.

So Tarzan ordered just an appetizer and I ordered a pasta dish. I said, "that's not going to be enough food for you." He said, "I plan to stop at Kentucky Fried Chicken on the way home." I asked why we didn't just leave and he said he didn't want to always go to the places he wants to go, but that I should be able to pick the place sometimes.

I told him never to do that again, I don't care where we eat, I'm not picky. I would rather have hot dogs at Circle K than have him be miserable at a fancy restaurant. Well, we ate and I had most of mine put in a to go box so we could get out of there.

We got in the car and headed to Kentucky Fried Chicken. We were both laughing by then at what a lousy experience that was. It was certainly not romantic or relaxing. We pulled into the KFC parking lot and I contemplated staying in the car (Tarzan doesn't do drive through). I decided to be a good sport and go in.

As we started in, Tarzan said, "I hope you don't ruin my choice of eating establishments with a bad attitude." We both started to laugh and I turned my nose up and said, "Yuck, that guy is spraying for bugs outside the restaurant." "Euwww, the floor is dirty." "Gag, the place smells like grease." By then we were both nearly in tears with laughter. We stepped up to the counter and no one spoke to us. We waited about 5 minutes while the employees argued about their private lives. Then Pedro, a young man stepped up to the cash register and say "Yo, man wachu want." Tarzan made his order. Then we waited while he put hand cleaner on his one hand that was not bandaged and started to get the chicken, we both started to say something about sanitation, when the girl he had been talking to stepped up and got the chicken for us. They continued their personal conversation and she put the lid on the bucket and brought it up to the counter and plopped it on the counter without looking at us, without saying "have a nice evening," without saying "drop dead" or anything.

Tarzan said in a loud voice, "Thank you for the chicken." She looked up in surprise and Tarzan asked to speak to the manager. Leaving out the details here, let me just say the service was like that because the manager could care less about our complaint.

We got in the car with our chicken and started home. About one block away we began to laugh again and decided that next time we would just buy steak at Bashas and grill them. So, here we are staying up late watching movies while we still have free HBO and Show Time. We have to stay up late because it took us so long to get food that we can't go right to bed or we will both get heartburn.